Sermon
1 Corinthians 13
December 22, 2002
Pastor Leighton Sheley

I'll invite you to open your Bibles and turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We're going to be looking at Paul's definition of love which is found in 1 Corinthians 13 verse 4 and following. But I'm going to prepare our study a little bit here. We're celebrating the season of Christmas or Advent, when God fulfilled His promise to provide a Savior for the world, Jesus, His only begotten Son, our Lord and Savior.

John 3:16 has often been considered the gospel message encapsulated in a single verse. It reads: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. That verse begins, for God so loved the world. God's motivation for the salvation of mankind was love.

The Scriptures tell us that God is love. 1 John 4:7 and following: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Jesus commanded us to love one another. These words are recorded in John 13:34 -- A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. And notice, and isn't this interesting, that Jesus didn't say His disciples would be identified by their knowledge of the Bible, or by how easily they could quote Scriptures from it, or by their perceived piety or perfection, or even their doctrinal orthodoxy, or any of the many standards that people and organizations use to evaluate levels of Christian achievement.

Simply put, Jesus said, men will know that you are My disciples by your love. Jesus commanded us to love one another. Loving one another is not optional. The apostle John writes 1 John 4:19 -- We love Him because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can He loved God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

The apostle John warns us that if we lack love we may be deceiving ourselves concerning our salvation. 1 John 2:9 says, anyone who claims to be in the light, but hates his brother, is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

Verse 6: If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Early in His Sermon on the Mount Jesus teaches this concerning love, Matthew chapter 5, You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet to your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

So love is not just a tangential or minor application of our Christian faith. It is one of the most central and crucial characteristics of godliness and Christ-likeness. With all of its importance to our walk of faith it is important that we understand what love is so that we can love effectively. One of the best definitions of love ever penned was written through the hand of the apostle Paul and is found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 beginning with verse 4. But in the verses that precede verse 4 Paul wants to make sure that we understand how important love is, and so he writes, If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels -- if I were to paraphrase that, I would say, if I were the ultimate communicator -- but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge -- paraphrased I would say, if I had the ultimate intelligence -- and if I have a faith that can move mountains -- if I was completely steadfast in my faith -- but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possessed to the poor -- that is, I am generous without limit -- and surrender my body to the flames -- I die the death of a martyr for the cause of Christ -- but have not love, I gain nothing. Then Paul gives us the working definition of love in verses 4 and following, and then to make sure that the importance of love is not lost upon us he comes back to his original thought in the verse 8. He says, But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. You see, these other spiritual qualities are attractive, but they will eventually cease. Love never will.

Having thus established the preeminence of love over every other attractive spiritual quality, Paul defines love for us. 1 Corinthians 13:4, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Now many of us may not have thought of this particular passage in this manner, but this passage could be a wonderful diagnostic and communication tool. Let me see if I can explain. When a woman is talking with a man about some challenge she is dealing with almost invariably the man is listening for some kind of clue that will allow him to provide a solution. Now sometimes she might be looking for a solution, and sometimes she just might want to be sharing the experience; but men are designed to fix things. It's just wired in to the nature of being a man.

Now I have a friend who is a very effective project manager and she often times uses a phrase to describe something that is too big to accomplish. She says, let's not try to boil the ocean. It's easy to boil a pot of water, a little harder to boil a swimming pool. It takes a nuclear reactor to boil a pond. Imagine what it would take to boil the ocean.

Love is like the ocean. It is immense. And all too often husbands will hear those words, you don't love me, accompanied by the unspoken expectation -- fix it. And I need to make sure that you ladies understand that a man's fix-it circuit breakers blow when confronted by this challenge. It's like asking a man to boil the ocean, or bring peace to the Middle East, or eliminate the national debt. The challenge is beyond a man's ability to cope, because love is immense.

Now this passage is important because it provides for us the components of love. Let me see if I can illustrate it in another way. Saying, you don't love me, fix it, is like saying the car won't run. Now it's important for the car to run. What good does it do to have a car sitting around it doesn't run? If the car doesn't run it might be time to consider trading it in on one that does. Now a car is made up of several components, one of them is a gas tank. If the gas tank is empty the car won't run. Now let me ask, is it easier and less expensive to buy a car or to fill up a gas tank?

Another component of a car is the battery. If you leave the lights on too long the battery gets drained and the car won't start, let alone run. You see, a car is made up of various components and those components must work in order for the car to operate or work as a car. Love is made up of components: patience, kindness, a lack of envy, boasting, pride, rudeness, self-centeredness, anger, and so forth. In order for love to work the components of love must work. Directing attention to a specific component needing attention, for instance, the empty gas tank, the dead battery, or the flat tire, makes the challenge manageable.

Directing attention to a specific component of love needing attention, patience, kindness, and so forth, makes the challenge more manageable. So may I propose that husbands, instead of saying to your wife, you don't love me, how about saying instead something like; honey, I wish you would be more patient with me. Because patience is a component of love. And wives instead of saying, you don't love me to your husband, how about saying something like; honey, I wish you would be more kind to me. Because kindness is a component of love.

Now you can see how this passage can be of such enormous help in the task of diagnosing a relationship in communication. By identifying a specific component you're not asking someone to boil the ocean. Now some might think that my examples in this message and this particular passage only applies to couples. Not so. And as we look at the components of love we will see that they apply to all of us in everyday life. I should point out that this diagnostic tool does not work in every relationship. It only works in love based relationship such as friendship, marriage, and family.

This diagnostic tool will not work in performance-based relationships. You say, okay Pastor, what is an example of a performance-based relationship? Here's one -- boss, I don't think you love me. And why would you think that Sheley? Because, Sir, you are not patient with my level of productivity. Get back to work Sheley. Or, here would be another performance-based relationship, coach, I don't think you love me. Why would you think that Sheley? Because Sir, you're sitting me on the bench does not communicate hope in my dreams of becoming an NFL running back. Back to the bench Sheley before I make you a tackling dummy.

These diagnostic tools won't work in a performance-based relationship, but they will in a love-based relationship. Love is patient. Now Jesus only used this word in one story that's recorded for us in Matthew chapter 18. It's a parable where the king forgives an enormous debt of a servant who in turn turns around to a fellow servant and demands payment. Both servants begged for patience from their lender. Because the servant was unforgiving towards his fellow servant, the king retracted his forgiveness.

Now the original language describes patience as been slow to boil. Some people are preheated. It doesn't take much inflammation to make them boil. They are short tempered. They are impatient with others. Often times impatience is due to a lack of understanding.

Stephen Covey told a story about riding on a mass transit train. A man and his children walked on the train and the man seemed to pay no attention to the children as they disturbed everyone around them. Finally, in much frustration, Stephen Covey confronted the man and found out that the man and his children were just returning from the hospital where his wife and their mother had passed away. Stephen said his whole paradigm or way of interpreting that scene changed with that understanding in that moment. Instead of being angry with that father, he tried to pitch in and help all that he could.

Proverbs 11:12 says, a man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:27 says, a man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. My grandpa used to say it's better to remain silent and let people think you're stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. If we could see things the way other people see them, we might be more patient with them.

Love is kind. Jesus was kind to everyone except religious hypocrites, for them He had particularly sizzling words, but to others Jesus was always kind. He was kind to the woman caught in adultery. He was kind to the woman at the well. He was kind to the lepers and social outcasts such as Zacchaeus, and to the unclean woman who touched the hem of His garment and received healing. Jesus was even kind to Judas whom He knew would betray Him, and offered him the sop of friendship at the last supper.

Jesus' first miracle turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana now was an act of kindness to keep the host, the wedding host, from losing face in front of the guests. You see, Jesus made the concerns of others His own concern. He didn't just leave people to fend for themselves. He wanted to ease their burdens. This is the cause for which Jesus came into this world, to ease men of the burden of their sin and their guilt. Jesus invited people to come and let Him share their burdens.

Matthew 11:28, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burdened is light. Farmers used to train their young oxen by yoking them to older, wiser, and stronger ox. The straps around the older ox were drawn tight so that ox would carry the load. The straps around the younger ox were drawn loosely and its burden was light. Jesus was saying, come, let me be yoked together with you and I will pull the weight and carry your burden.

There is a famous poem called 'Footsteps' which describes life as walking along a beach next to Jesus. When the writer looks back he notices that during life's most difficult times there's only one set of footprints, and he asks Jesus why Jesus deserted in the time of need. Jesus replies, my dear child I would never leave nor forsake you, when you see one set of footprints it was during those times that I carried you. How often Jesus must carry us and we are not even aware.

Kindness is putting the needs or concerns of the other person first. I don't think I need to point out this is contrary to our natural disposition. From the moment we left the womb our natural tendency was to demand that the world revolve around us. Growing up my Sunday school teachers used to use and an acronym JOY -- putting Jesus first, others second, and yourself last leads to joy and such is kindness.

Love does not envy. In a cemetery in England stands a grave marker with the inscription "she died for want of things". Alongside that marker is another which reads, "he died trying to give them to her". Envy is a violation of the 10th commandment -- thou shalt not covet. It is desiring, perhaps even to the point of being consumed, the position, possessions, prosperity, potential, or popularity of another. It's not being satisfied with who you are or what you have, and as a more foundational level it's not being satisfied with what God has given to you.

What happens if someone else in the office, who has worked very hard, gets rewarded with that promotion to the office that you had hoped to receive? Are you happy for them or do you envy them? Are you satisfied with the mate that God has given to you, or do you envy somebody else for their mate? Does the grass look greener over there? Someone has observed that a swamp always looks greener. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. These two words are closely related and the contrast for both is humility.

Philippians 2:5 says, Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death -- even death on a cross!

Men have a tendency to boast about things that they have accomplished; buildings they have built or businesses they have grown, and if anyone had a lot to boast about it was Jesus. John 1:1 says, In the beginning was the Word, that was Jesus, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. And he became flesh and dwelt among us.

Imagine that, after Joe talks about the new building he put up, Jesus could have put in, hey, how was my job on Jupiter? I got it just right. But as we read through the story of Jesus, Jesus isn't boasting about Himself. He's interested in others and He's interested in leading them to salvation. He humbled Himself.

Romans 12:10 says, Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Put the other person first. Philippians 2:3 says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Talk of the successes of others and encourage each other with your words.

Love is not rude. Rude is the natural product of pride and boasting. Pride and boasting is considering yourself first, rudeness is making sure other people know you are first your interests are first. Not going to the end of the line but cutting is rude. Not letting the merging vehicle merge in front of you is rude. Not letting the other person finish their sentence or thought is rude. Because what you're saying is what I am or what I have to say or contribute is more important.

The contrast of rudeness is courtesy. The first five letters spell the word court. In England to be courteous was to act in the way of those who served in the king's court. The king's family and servants were expected to hold a higher standard of behavior. We are children of the King of kings. Our standards of behavior should reflect that heritage.

Matthew 5:16, In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Our men's ministry leadership discussed at length concerning the distribution of our men's ministry shirts, and there was some concern that if we let just anyone wear them that some man at some point might do something that reflected poorly upon the church or men's ministries; and that could happen. But we decided that we would let any man who so chose identify himself with men's ministries and the church and acquire that church. The reason -- wearing that shirt just might remind the man in it that his behavior was being held to a higher standard. And you know we have received reports back from our men that their behavior changed in some incident when they looked down and were reminded they were representing the church and men's ministries.

Colossians 4:5 says, Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be full of grace. Rudeness should never be present in the church. We should always be courteous in the church. One common courtesy is when you arrive to step as far forward and move as much as you can to the center of the pew. Why is that a courtesy? Well it's because you're putting the interests of others first. If you come early and you sit in the back and on the outside edges, then you force other people to walk in front of you and disturb you in order to get seats. If you insist on sitting on the outside of the pews, you insist on people crawling over you in order to get into a seat so you're not putting the other person first. Putting the other person first is moving towards the front and the center.

Now we also recognize that people sometimes have to leave the services. We have a lot of medical emergency technicians here and law enforcement, and so forth, they carry pagers. They're on call. If they get a page they may have to leave right now, and they never know when they're going to get that page. What I'm saying is being courteous to others means we don't want to cause any unnecessary distractions. Not why is that? Well, in part, it's because this is not a concert, and it's not a motivational speaker. This is a place where God's holy presence dwells. This is a place where people come to meet God. This is a place where God deals in the hearts of men and women and children, and we don't want to distract or be any kind of distraction when God is doing something in the hearts of those who are sitting around us.

Love is not self-seeking. It's not selfish. Selfishness is rampant in mankind and very destructive. James 3:16 says , For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. Many people in the United States, and in this congregation, have lost much in the recent scandals of corporate America. The selfishness of corporate leaders often resulted in the retirement investments that people have worked so long and hard to save disappearing, literally being stolen. The price of selfishness by one is paid for by all.

Now Philippians 2:4 says, Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. It's not improper for us to care for our interests. It is improper for us to care for our interests alone.

Love is not easily angered. It's not that Christians cannot be angry, it's that Christians should not be easily angered. Ephesians 4:26, 27 say, Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath means don't carry your anger around. Deal with it. And don't give place to the devil means make sure that if you're anger it's for the right reason. Now some couples have taken this passage very seriously. They will not go to bed until the matter is resolved. They may sit on the couch all night into the next day, but they're not going to bed until the matter is resolved.

Don't give place to the devil means make sure that your anger is a righteous anger. There are a lot of examples of unrighteous anger. Cain killed Abel out of anger; he was in the wrong. Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery because of anger; they were in the wrong. Saul sought David's life because of anger; he was wrong. There are many illustrations in the Scripture, and in life, of men and women who were angry for the wrong reason and gave place to the devil and his work.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. Now this is an interesting component of love. I will always remember a cartoon I saw many years ago. The picture was of a couple in their bedroom which was decorated in the usual way except for one anomaly; along one wall of the bedroom were about a dozen file cabinets. The man in his pajamas was peering into the contents of a file drawer and the woman was sitting on the bed in her pajamas. I wish we could have an argument without you cross-referencing every statement. He kept records.

Psalm 103:8 and following says, The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. He will removed our transgressions so far they cannot be brought back again.

Many years ago Pastor Andersen used to oversee our marriage ministries and counseling services. He was teaching a class on counseling and I'll always remember him defining forgiveness. Pastor Andersen said forgiveness is promising never to bring the issue up again; either to yourself, the other person, or anyone else. I heard a couple working through an issue and in the course of the conversation the husband said, I thought you forgave me for that. The wife replied, I did. The husband asked, then why did you bring it up? The wife replied, well, it was just to illustrate the point.

People cannot always remove the memories of the hurts that contribute to who we become. We can however choose not to bring them up again; to ourselves, to others, or to anyone, even if it's only for illustration purposes. Peter asked Jesus is forgiving someone 7 times was enough. Jesus said, no, 7 times 70. The sum of 7 times 70 is 490. In order to keep track of 490 offenses we would have to have some kind of record keeping system. Ah ha, that is number 376. But love keep no records of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Now this is an important tool in diagnosing a relationship. Many people think that love is a feeling, and the truth is that love can affect our feelings, but love is not a feeling it's an act or behavior that follows a decision to love. We cannot depend upon our feelings to keep us on track. Feelings are fickle.

A young man can be brought into a group of peers and experience the feeling of acceptance. Oh it's a good feeling. All of us like to feel accepted. We like to feel like we belong. The young man is told he is now part of a brotherhood, part of a family. The young man is feeling accepted; he's feeling loved. He's part of a family. Then his newfound brothers say, we're going to hold up a liquor store tonight and you're going to drive the getaway car. Now is that young man experiencing true love? The answer -- love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

A young woman is out on a date. The guy is pushing. She resists. He uses the famous line, I'm sure all of us know it, if you love me, etc. Now is that young woman experiencing true love? The answer -- love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love always protects -- 1 Peter 4:8 says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Again, God is our model. When mankind chose to rebel or sin against heaven did God remove His protection from mankind? Who was it who prepared a covering that would not get knocked off at the first wind? Who was it who promised a Savior? Who was it who guided Abraham to the Promised Land? Who was it who protected and guided Joseph so that he would be able to provide for his family during the years of famine? Who was it who guided and protected Moses so that he would go and relieve the people from the slavery of Egypt? Who was it who sent Jesus to save not only the descendants of Abraham, but the whole world? Jesus always protects. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.

Always trusts -- you know, how we treat others affects them. How we treat others affects them. Robert Rosenthal did a study in which he told teachers that certain students had scored with exceptional learning ability. By the end of the school year, the students that the teachers had been told were exceptional scored ahead of their peers and gained as many as 15 to 27 IQ points. The teachers described these students as happier, more curious, more affectionate than average, and having a better chance of success in life.

What the teachers did not know is that the names they have been given were drawn at random. How we treat others affects them. That's why we want those man in our shirts; we want them to take up the challenge. We want them to know we believe in them. Has someone let you down? Can you challenge them in love to live up to a trust. If you do you're communicating hope. You're saying I believe in you. You're saying I am willing to invest in you. You're saying I have not given up hope, and love always hopes.

A number of years back I visited a friend who is on staff at Brooklyn Tabernacle. At the end of my stay he arranged for their head of security to drive me to the airport. As we were in the car we had a number of minutes to share together. I asked him how he had received his training to be head of security at Brooklyn Tabernacle. He laughed, and he said, well I guess it's because I've been in almost every prison in New York. And then he went on to tell me a story. He was into drugs, booze, women, violence and every kind of debauchery.

For over a decade his wife had prayed for him. His son kept telling her, why bother mom; he's a loser. Why don't you just move on in life? What should never gave up hope. After more than a decade of praying he came home, he came home to his wife, he came home to his family, he came home to Christ, and his life is radically changed. He's now living for the Lord, but I still wouldn't mess with him.

How many years were you living outside of Christ? Did He give up on you? How many times as a Christian have you fallen into sin? Has He given up on you? Let me propose that if He had, you wouldn't be here today, because you wouldn't have any concern for spiritual things at all. Love always hopes, always perseveres, never gives up, love never fails.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Amen? Let's pray.

Lord we thank you for Your holy word, and we thank you for describing so pictorially Your expectations for us. And Lord, we are reminded that we cannot love perfectly as You have loved us. But Lord we want to try because we realize that that reflects You and gives You honor and glory. And so Lord we ask Your Holy Spirit to minister to us and through us as we go into the worlds that You have placed us, in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.