Sermon
Hooray For Fathers
June 19-20, 1999
Pastor Ralph Huddleston

Men, I say to you happy Father's Day. And as the title of today's message, Hooray For Fathers. Hooray for fathers. You say, well, why did you title it that way? Well, we're trying to kind of change things a little bit. You know, historically we as pastors, as preachers, on Mother's Day, we give mothers all of their due, their due in praises, and applause for their hard work, and they've earned that. Yet somehow, we the same teachers and pastors on Father's Day hammer you nearly to death. We tell you all the ways that you're going to fail. We give you all of the temptations, the 10 temptations, that will trip you up. All the obstacles and then we'll turn around and give you the 30 ways to get back to where you belong. And it is no wonder that when it comes to fatherhood or Father's Day that we're a little gun-shy, just a little gun-shy. I mean, you see that message up there and you think, I don't think I want to go there. 

Well today that's going to change. It's enough that we make fathers gun-shy, but the Bible actually, you're going to see in Proverbs, speaks 26 times in reference to fathers in a positive light, a very positive light, and that's where I want us to be placed today. There's enough ugly coming at us. We know our weaknesses, at least privately we know our weaknesses, as fathers. But it is difficult to be a father. I think more difficult to be a father than it is to be a mother. And you might question that, but let me give you a few instances, a few circumstances that might help you with that thought. Mothers don't have to hide what they feel. Motherhood is honest, close to the surface. They don't have to pretend. By our culture, by our society, we are taught not to show your weaknesses. Often times we are called to pretend something that we're not. We're called to pretend that we are full of enthusiasm when we're not, we couldn't care less. Full of knowledge, when we don't have a clue. Full of all the answers when we don't even know all of the questions. 

When there's a sound downstairs in the middle of the night, it's okay for the mother to pull the covers over her head and wait for it to go away, but the father is required to go downstairs boldly even when he's sure it's the Manson family waiting in the kitchen for him. When the road signs are confusing and the scenery is starting to look awfully unfamiliar, it's perfectly natural for a mother to stop and ask the first passerby for directions, but the father is expected to know where he is at all times, even if he has to travel 200 miles out of the way to prove it.

It's difficult to be a father. When the electricity goes out, no one questions the mother who quietly lights the candles and waits for the repairman, but they look at the father with question who doesn't grab the screwdriver and run downstairs into the basement to start the repair when he doesn't know a fuse box from a sump pump. Its easy for the mother to load up the broken bicycle into the station wagon and take it to the repair shop. The father is required to fix it on the spot. Mothers can admit to the real-estate agent that they don't know a thing about fixed rate interest, or balloon payments, or second mortgages. Fathers are supposed to nod their heads and pretend that it all makes perfect sense. Mothers can bang a new jar of peanut butter on the floor until the lid is finally loose enough to turn. Fathers are supposed to twist it off with their bare hands without getting red in the face. Mothers who lose their jobs are unfortunate. Fathers who lose their jobs are failures. 

It is difficult to be a father, so today it must be hooray for fathers as we travel through Proverbs to see why it is so positive, why it is in such a positive light. Solomon could have been very bitter towards his father David who suffered from many failures. He could have been embittered. He could have been angry with him for the failures that he did pass on to him. And we all know, fathers, that we're not perfect. We know it. We may not be able to admit it, but you know what? All those around us know it. And it is safe for us in the sight of God and one another to finally put down those walls. It takes a lot of strength to hold those walls up, the pretending walls. 

Back to David. From his heart he writes in Proverbs 17:6, and I say from his heart after all of his experience he writes, And the glory of children (sons) is their fathers. The glory of sons is their fathers. Despite David's shortcomings, Solomon gloried in his father's character qualities. What a wonderful thing to write for all times to view. What a wonderful thing. 

Father's Day is very difficult for me as I know it is for many of you. For me, it brings on one hand a great deal of grieving. Grieving of words not said, times not shared with the father that raised me. You see, at my age of 22 he was 42; he died, but before that he imparted many things to me. He was not a man who knew the Lord, but he was a good man. Was he perfect? No. The fact of the matter is he was an alcoholic, and the entire family suffered greatly the consequences of him being an alcoholic. But still as I look back, there are some things that come back to me now, and we'll go through some of those, that I wish, I have prayed, that I could share with him. The fact of the matter is, his dying that young was a major obstacle between God the Father and me. I was embittered because God would take him from me before we could experience that as two grown men, that we could put our experiences together, that I could tell him how much I loved him, how much I appreciated some of those nuggets that he gave me. But I got a second chance. And you say, well, how's that? 

Well, I have two fathers, actually three, we'll put God the Father where He belongs, and I have two fathers; the one that raised me and then my birth father. And I say that. You say, well, everybody has one of those. But I didn't know who that person was, and for all intents and purposes neither one of us knew that the other one existed, and certainly did not know that we belonged to each other till God intervened. It began with my daughter's wedding. You know, when the doctors ask all those questions about medical background of your mother and medical background of your father's family. Well, we had this huge... Talk about a family tree. It was like it was cut in half. There were no branches on my side. And I was perfectly content with the way things were. Because you see, I was raised as the oldest of four. I was the oldest of four. I would have never known that he wasn't my own father if he hadn't told me. So I believed that I had all that I needed. I believed that. Although way down deep as we sing that song Abba Father, way down deep in my soul I would cry. 

There was a piece missing. And so I was encouraged, even badgered by my daughter and family, and even my employer who sent out private detectives to try to find this person. We found everybody but. We had some people across the country who just said, leave me alone. Then God intervened, and he used my favorite aunt, who loves the Lord. She called me one day and said, Ralph, before I go home to the Lord I have information you need to have. She began to fill in some of those pieces; some of those huge pieces of the puzzle. We talked for two or three hours on the phone. She gave me all that she could, but she wouldn't tell me his name. But I called another aunt who I knew from her testimony had the rest of the pieces, but she wouldn't tell me until I told her what I knew.

I took an hour to tell her what I knew. She says well as long as you know that much, I'll give you the rest, and she led me right to him. Now I didn't know what to do with all this because he was a person of some prominence, and I respect protocol and I was fearful that this wasn't indeed my father. So how do you approach somebody? So I used a brother in the Lord right here in our church to intervene for me, and he went and approached him, told my story as much as he could, and it was accepted, numbers were changed, I called him. Now I'm still wondering, you know, let's just call and cancel this whole thing. This is really dumb. I'm a fulfilled child. You know, I'm okay with this. But we didn't, so I called him. We talked. He agreed to come to my house. Those two days were horrible. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't do anything. I was just so excited, scared to death on the other side. And as we waited for him to come, when it got close to it, I just kind of kept myself at the front window with those blinds that were pretended that they were closed and I was kind of just looking through like this. A great vantage point, and here he comes, and I thought to myself, man he's a big guy. If it isn't my father, I could be in big trouble. And he rang the bell and we really kind of fought over who should answer. You get it. No it's your father. No, no we don't know that yet. You get it. Well she made me answer the door, so I did. I opened the door and like that (snap fingers) my first thought was I don't need a blood test, this is my father. All of that happened in the fraction of a second. We both knew it and we spent a couple of hours; I call it relating it really was kind of shadow boxing. It's a guy thing and most of you will understand that. 

So there's the grieving of not being able to tell that father that raised me all those wonderful things that he imparted to me, and it's a grieving of lost time with my real father; two adult men trying to have an emotional bond were creating emotions in order to bond. It's very, very difficult and so Father's Day is one of those bittersweet for me, and I know that many of you share that. That's why today must be a day of hooray for fathers. There's enough in our past to cloud the issue. There are enough failures to cloud the issue. We must think about the healthier sides of our lives. 

I want to begin by affirming fathers to some of the roles that they fill in the home. We're going to go to Proverbs 19:14. First of all the role of provider. Proverbs 19:14 says, Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers. We're great providers, aren't we? We love to, in fact, we could be workaholics without any problem at all. We love to provide and often times we mistake that as that's all of our responsibility is to provide, but it isn't that's just the beginning. In 13:22 it also says, A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. That means my grandchildren. So the responsibility of influence both financially and every other way is beginning to broaden already. Proverbs is telling me that it is possible. Now I want you to think of the long hours that a father would spend grinding out a living. Ladies, I agree, you do it too. In our economy right now, you know, dictates that most mothers and fathers are working, but you had your day last month. We're going to keep it on the dads, okay? So don't get insulted on my... Just stay with me on this, all right? 

He's grinding out a living, pounding headaches caused by demanding bosses, maybe a lot of travel, the stresses, the sore muscles, and for what? To bring home a paycheck that's just about gone when he gets it home. But out of that comes a roof over their heads, the food in their stomachs, and the clothes on their back, and with a little bit of budgeting maybe a little bit for fun, but it doesn't stop there. If we're really good at planning, even our grandchildren will reap the benefits of our labor through an inheritance. So our influence is really branching out now. Another Proverbs describes the father's role as the family maintainer. 

Proverbs 22:28 go there with me. Do not remove the ancient landmark Which your fathers have set. Now this verse references the Hebrew practice of marking property lines that the next generation will respect. They will not touch them, they will not go over them. Those are yours, that is your family's, and they'll be respected for all time. Now in those days the father's job was to maintain those boundaries that bordered his family's land, but now, in these days, our fathers are to establish boundaries of morality and integrity and to help set the limits for acceptable behavior for our children. Do they like that? No. All of our children we know they are bound they are created to press those boundaries, and they act as though they would die if you don't move the boundaries the other way. But let me share something with you. They respect those boundaries. They really want to know, how far can they go? 

And men, fathers, if you hold true to your beliefs and your interests and keep those boundaries carved in stone, they will love you and respect you even more. Later, I pray that God gives them the opportunity to tell you later, and if they don't, ask them. And we'll kind of get into that a little bit later. Deep down kids are searching for role models, dad. Why should they have to look on the basketball court or on the football field when they have one at home? It's you dad. The third role in which Solomon sees fathers is that of instructor. He expresses the value of a father's wise counsel. And you're going to have to stay with me. T

he first reference is Proverbs 1:8-9, My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother. A wise man. He brings the mother right into it; rounds it out. We're in this together. For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. Okay, now go on to chapter 4 verse 1 through 5. Hear, my children, the instructions of a father, And give attention to know understanding; For I give you good doctrine. Not what you want to hear my son, but what you need to hear. Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, He also taught me, and said to me: "Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.

Now turn to chapter 6 verse 20 through 22, My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart. Now here's a good one. You remember the key; you were given the house key, you were given milk money. Where did it go? Around your neck so you wouldn't loose it. It says here, tie them, these words of instruction, around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; When you sleep, they will keep you; And when you awake, they will speak with you. Now we hear mostly, my son, my son, my son, but we're in the context of son and daughter here. Take all of these instructions. See what we're capable of men. God wouldn't put something like this in here if it wasn't possible for us to fulfill them. That's the good news. That's why the hooray for fathers. 

Now, like me, as a teenager when we would start to hear something like this we would call it a lecture, and the eyes would roll back in the head, here we go again. How many of these do I have to endure? How long in the afternoon will this go? And you know that to be true because you know when you're about to give a lecture, and you know about the time they're going to roll back and you tell them, don't you roll your eyes back. Don't you make me. No. Yeah, cornish sayings and advice that seems to be out of date, but they become pearls of wisdom. As I think back on the father that raised me, some of the things that he said, you know, I thought he was crazy as a loon sometimes. I loved him, but it wasn't until later. There's where I grieve, that I didn't become old enough or mature enough to see the value of them so I could go back and say thank you. The other side of father's role as instructor is his role as forgiver. 

Perhaps like me, you remember times when you ignored your father's instructions and you suffered the consequences; painful at times, consequences. And once that's done then there's a time that has to be filled with forgiveness and reconciliation between the two. Did he, after the consequences, hold you and reassure you of your relationship with him? Hug you, a smile of confidence. I pray that he did. Maybe he didn't. There's encouragement for us to make sure that we don't make the same mistake. Maybe those are some of the failings that we hold in our hearts now. We need to release those, and as fathers, pass on that look of reassurance, that even though you've had to be punished, and it didn't hurt you as much as it hurt them, but your relationship is still intact, that you still love them. Without this vital aspect of fatherhood which is forgiveness, anger can begin to boil in our children. 

And Paul warns us of that in Ephesians 6:4. He says, And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. I found six ways to anger, to provoke, our children. There are many more, but I'll just speak to these six. First of all is overprotection, or favoritism within the family, within the children, discouragement. Rather than an encouragement, discourage them. Failure to make allowance for each child's individuality and their opinions and their personal growth. Fifth, neglect, often times we are just too busy. We are out of time, and the time that we have they are long gone to bed and asleep. And lastly, bitter words and maybe even outright physical cruelty. Well, the more constructive course of action would be to follow what Paul says here, nourish your children. Discipline here means education ,and in a broader sense, it means ideas of chastening and correcting. Instruction emphasized training by means of a spoken word, not a screamed word with a fist behind it. This kind of instruction doesn't mean hammering the truth into your children, but as a result of spending time with your kids. Instruct by imparting wisdom naturally as each situation unfolds. 

Don't we hate it when people put us into a box, but if we do that with our children, or we can do it, you know, each time that they do something, you did it again. We need to let each of those situations unfold on their own merit, to be able to appreciate who this child is. I'm not saying don't discipline them, but each situation is weighed on its own. I want to look at a few more of Solomon's Proverbs so that we can learn from father's relationships first to their wives. I believe the greatest gift a father gives his children is his affection for their mother by continually wrapping our arms around her, embracing her, in their presence. It not only embraces her, but it embraces them, kind of like a blanket of trust and security. They will make fun of you. Yeah, Oh, look what mom and dad are doing. But they love it. It gives them a feeling that everything is okay. And if you don't think that's true, how do they act when you're arguing over something? How do they act? Well let's try it the other way. Let's try the public display of affection. Who else are they going to learn from?

In Proverbs 5:15-19 Solomon speaks very candidly to husbands about the importance of staying faithful to our wives, to their mothers. He tells to drink from your own cistern not from that of a stranger. To let your wife be yours alone. To rejoice in the wife of your youth. To let her satisfy you at all times, not just during the good times. And be exhilarated always with her love. This is a picture of a husband's delight in a romantic affection for his wife. Fathers don't be afraid to demonstrate this kind of love in front of your children; often. 

Second, we want to look at father's relationships with their children. This for me was the most difficult. Proverbs 23:24, The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him. As a prepared for this, this was a difficult part for me and maybe it is for some of you other men. Maybe your father has gone on, maybe he's out of your life geographically. As I read this I asked myself, would my father that raised me, would he be proud of me? Would he take delight in me? After all that he taught me, after all that he told me he wanted for me. 

My dad was a truck driver and he wanted nothing else but for me to be anything but a truck driver. And what did I do? He went in the navy, so I went in the navy. He was a truck driver, so I became a truck driver. It's an honorable way to make a living, but in school he didn't prepare me for that. In school he said you don't take shops, I will teach you how to work on the car, how to do woodworking and all that other stuff. You will take accounting. You will take bookkeeping. You will take typing. Aaaagh! All of my friends, those classes had just me and all the rest were girls. Now I learned to appreciate that. I got a 'B' in bookkeeping, and with a little slight of hand I got a 'C' in typing. But I began to appreciate that. It became wise counsel when once it was a lecture. 

Would he be proud of me? I wept continually. I couldn't help it yesterday because I will never know. Maybe some of you still have an opportunity to ask those questions. Take it! Make it so! Then I asked, I wonder if my real dad takes delight in me? I don't know him as well. I could almost ask that for the father that raised me, but I don't know. I mean, we've been eight years now shadow boxing, and it's been delightful. We're trying to put things together, and you know there still is that, you know, when we hug it's sort of like (stiff embrace). You know, we're getting past that. I'm getting closer, but he kind of just goes like a 2x4 on me, you know, but we're working past that. Finally I came to my wife, I says, do you think dad takes delight in me? Do you think he's proud of me? I don't care if you're 90 years old, there's still that child inside of you, isn't there? That wants the parent's approval, and I believe that it's even more with our fathers. You know what she said? Ask him. What I hate even more is she's probably right, and we're probably going to go over there today, and I'm going to hope that he's not home. I'm really folks trying to be honest; I'm not sure I want to ask that because I'm afraid for the answer. Well he might have something smart to say because he has quite a sense of humor, and we are so much a like.

My wife says it's scary when I see the two of you together. It's like watching a person and their shadow. We're both left handed. We both stand the same, our posture is the same, our humor is the same. So it's really very uncomfortable for her to be around us because we usually pick on her. Certainly we wouldn't pick on each other. I don't know how to ask that question, and I need you to keep me in prayer, as I will and you, some of you that will be going to your fathers or some of you that will be going to your children to find these things out. The encouragement is here. Don't let another day go by before you take the opportunity to find out. 

Fathers, tell your children that you are proud of them. Look past the failures that you see in them. There'll always be enough of those, but build up those things, verbally, let them know that you are proud, and I'll let you know how I do when I ask my father. You know, It's really difficult. He's, you know, I'll just kind of let you in on a little bit, he's a retired deputy police chief, and also a retired two star admiral. Now you see my dilemma. Sir. I don't know, I don't know how I'm going to do that. I really don't know how I'm going to do that. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him. The way that this delight and this rejoicing can go on it requires a father to get close to his children, so close that his character qualities rub off on them. This is a source of a father's greatest rejoicing. Get so close to your sons and daughters that those qualities that Proverbs say you have rub off on them. Those qualities that God the Father let rub off of Him onto you will be passed on to your children. That's the encouragement. That's why hooray for fathers. 

He could say you will mop the floor for the rest of your life, but he didn't. He said you will impart these nuggets of wisdom. You will give to them character traits that I've passed on to you. One last word. There's one more special ingredient to invest in your child, and that is integrity. This is a biggie. This is a big one, and I never realized the integrity of the father that raised me. I'm beginning to know the integrity of the father that is my real father, but I never realized the integrity of the father that raised me, because he didn't know the Lord, and neither did I. So, you know, you just didn't think about those things. It's amazing. 

Proverbs 20:7. It says, The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him. Now integrity, I never knew him to ever tell a lie, ever. I knew him to be a hard working man. Yes, he was an alcoholic. What we called in those days a week-end alcoholic. Come Monday morning five o'clock he was up and gone and never missed a days work, never. I think when ever he died with him went a lot of sick leave. He just never used it. He worked all the time. And later, years later, I was a teamster myself, and out of the union, I knew that there was an opportunity at this place where he worked, but from a union standpoint you don't go out and solicit your own job, but if you know somebody on that job it is, at times, who you know, but we're going to expand that a little bit more. So I went to this particular job because of who I knew, I got in to see the dispatcher, told him I was looking for some work, and I gave him my name, union number, and he looked at my name and he says, are you kin to Matt. I said, that's my dad. He says, I know him. You get back down to the hall, take about 20 minutes to do that, I'll call you and you'll come right back with your clearance. I know Matt, your hired. As time went on, I stayed there two years, all 100 drivers I guess kind of took me on to encourage me, and they told individual stories about their relationship with him. I got out of it that he was a man of integrity, a hard working man, he usually went out with the biggest route, and finished it first, and helped the other guys. 

Story after story like that. His reputation went before him. Yeah, on the humorous side they hammered me big time. Well, your dad would have done that faster. He was a lot quicker than you. And that was okay. That gave me something to work towards. I know your father, you are welcome here. Fathers, will those that know you and outlive you be quick to open their homes, and their businesses, and their relationships, and their lives to your children? Is that a legacy that you're building? Now, I would suggest that you take a few moments, maybe even this afternoon, and plan for some quality time with your children, or you might have to reverse just like I'm going to have to do, although with my child and with my father. You might have to tell your boss sometime this week, I can't work late tonight. You may have to tell the lawn and the weeds they're just going to have to grow because you're going to set aside some quality time and quantity time with your children to begin building these character traits into them. Hooray for fathers! 

What a wonderful legacy to leave. I don't know of anything that could help us to rise higher than these words from Proverbs, encouraging words, strengthening words. Maybe this picture in Proverbs doesn't paint you, maybe you wish it did. Today can be the first day that you wipe that board clean and begin letting these words of wisdom from Proverbs illustrate who you are. Fathers I want you to stand up, all of you. All the fathers stand up. Come on up and at'em. Up, and those that are sitting down I want you to give them a hand of applause. Hooray for fathers! (applause) Yes. You may be seated. Happy Father's Day to you. Be encouraged by the words of Proverbs. Impart on your children character qualities that God has imparted to you. Spend time with them. Ask those difficult questions. Tell them the difficult things. Reveal the sensitive compassionate man that you are, and don't be fearful of it.

Bow your heads with me in prayer. Father, Your Word just so releases us from so much, and as fathers we implore You, even when we don't, to get as close to us as You possibly can, and continue to rub off on us Your character qualities so that we might, even beginning today, to gather our children into our arms and let those same qualities rub off of us onto them. And when we're old and we're gray we can look at our children and be proud. When the lectures are over and the instruction has made its influence, we can look at them and say it is wonderful to have you as my child. Give us the courage as fathers to say that. Bless this time now Father, as we leave here keep us safe and may we as fathers be changed as we walk out of these doors, released out of bondage, able to quit pretending, just to start loving. In Jesus' name we pray, and everybody said. Amen. God bless you and again, happy Father's Day men.