Sermon
What The Bible Teaches About Divorce And Remarriage (Part 2)
January 30-31, 1999
Pastor Donald Sheley

Let's take our Bibles. Turn with me to Matthew's gospel chapter 5 please. Lord Jesus, now please speak to us from Your word. Matthew 5:31,32. We are working our way through the Sermon on the Mount. It's the guidelines for Christian or for kingdom living. And this is how Christians should live, and we're going verse by verse as Jesus tells us how to act as Christians. In verse 31 it says, "Furthermore is has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. Marriage is God's idea. He created man and woman and the family, and what I want to do today, my sermon is entitled 'What The Bible Teaches About Divorce and Remarriage'. 

You're not interested in what Pastor Sheley has to say, and neither am I. So 90% of our message today will be just Scriptures. So you'll always know if you know these verses. There are hardly, very, very few almost no other verses in the entire Bible to which you need to go to find an answer with regards to this subject. You'll have them all in just the next few moments. So let's go to Genesis chapter 2. We will begin right in the front of the Bible. And here's what God says. Genesis 2:18. And I'd like everyone to have a Bible. Take one of the pew Bibles in front of you. And you say, but Pastor I don't know the chapters very well. Well, I'm going to give you the exact page numbers so you can follow right along. Okay? 

Go with me to page number 2 in your red pew Bible. And it says in verse 18, And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman. Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. 

Now let's drop down to chapter 4 of Genesis just the first 2 verses. Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, "I have acquired a man from the Lord." Then she bore again, this time his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep. He was a shepherd. But Cain was a tiller of the ground. So now we have male and female. Man and woman. Husband and wife. And then husband and wife and family. And all were created by almighty God and He views that relationship with sacred awe. Jesus said what God has joined together let no man put asunder.

The apostle Paul likened the relationship between the husband and wife as that of Christ and His church. Go with me to Ephesians 5: 28-33. Here's what Paul says, So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 

Now from the beginning God intended monogamous life-long marriage to be the only pattern of union between man and woman. And you'll notice in that Old Testament passage there in Genesis it says, you shall cleave. And that word cleave carries the idea of firm permanent attachment, as in gluing. So in marriage a man and a woman are so closely joined that they become one flesh which involves spiritual as well as physical oneness. And as God designed it, marriage is to be the welding of two people together into one unit; the blending of two minds, two wills, two sets of emotions, two spirits. It's the bond the Lord intends to be indissoluble as long as both partners are alive. 

Now last Lord's Day I suggested to you and in the Christian church universal there are four different interpretations or teachings on divorce and remarriage. Number 1: the strictest view is that divorce is not permissible under any circumstance or for any reason. Only death dissolves the marriage. Now that's held by a lot of Christians, under no conditions, no divorce. Secondly, the opposite position contends that both divorce and remarriage are permissible for any reason or none. And there's your liberal point of view; divorce, remarriage, as many times as you'd like. Thirdly, divorce is permitted under certain circumstances, but remarriage is never permitted except in the death of the spouse. Get divorced, but you can't get remarried. That's the third position. And the fourth one is this; both divorce and remarriage are permitted under certain circumstances. 

Now in the Bible, of course, it only teaches one of these four possibilities, and I believe it's the last one. And we'll find this to be true as we analyze the teachings of Christ. Now remember that we learned last week that Jesus said that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, they're the religious teachers of the day. He said they're not going to go to heaven and you're not going to make it either if you're no better than they are. Well what did those scribes and those Pharisees teach about divorce, because Jesus is now going to correct them? And remember we learned last week they taught this liberal point of view that a man could, for any reason or no reason whatever, he could just simply walk up and divorce his wife. And the only thing he had to worry about is he had to make sure that he did the paperwork. He had the divorce certificate all filled out correctly. That's all the religious leaders cared about. And I made the assumption that if that was how easy it was to get a divorce; the divorce rate must have been much higher in Jesus' day than it is in our day. And ours is high. 

And Jesus knew that those false teachers, those religious teachers, were teaching the people a lie. Because they were saying go out and get a divorce for any reason you want to, and they were splitting up homes. And you can imagine the fragments of homes and human lives that Jesus had to deal with, and it was all created by the false teachings of these false teachers. Well where did they get this idea that you could divorce for any reason? Well they got it by twisting and warping four verses out of the Old Testament. 

Go with me to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. And here're the four verses that they twisted, warped and came up with this tragic teaching that was splitting homes right and left. And here's what it says, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, "when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, "if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, "then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. 

Now, Moses in this particular one..the focus of this passage is not on the question of whether or not divorce is permitted, it does not provide for divorce much less command it. It's rather a statement of a very narrow specific law that effected a certain situation. Here's what Moses says, listen, if you're going to get a divorce and you put it in your wife's hand and you send her out of your house and she marries someone else and then that person divorces her, you have forever, once you've sent her away, you have forever lost your right to that mate again. You can't marry them again after they've been married to someone else. God says it's an abomination if you do. Now that was the simple verses, and it's so clear what he is saying. And yet these Pharisees had twisted that and said Moses said you can get a divorce just make sure you take care of the divorce papers. 

Now there's one other Old Testament passage and this will pretty well cover most of what the Old Testament says about divorce. Go with me to Malachi chapter 2, and it's the last Old Testament book before you come to Matthew. Okay? Malachi 2:13-16, let me read it for you. And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," 

What's the problem? In those ancient days those older Jewish men were divorcing their wives of their youth, putting them out of the house, and marring young pagan gentile women. And the old prophet says God hates that. These ladies who've given their life and now that you're old and they're old, now you want to get rid of them and take a new younger pagan wife. And God said I hate that and I won't like it. He said that's doing treacherous. That's treating the wife of your youth with treachery. And He said when you do this you cover yourself with violence. What's He saying? He's saying you cover yourself with wrong and the implied is that divorce does something to the psychic something to the human being that mares and scars them and they carry those scars to their grave. And I think if I could have an open hearted conversation with some of you folks who've gone through the pain and the hurt and the tears of divorce. You'd say, Pastor, it's true. God is right. It does mark you. It's always there. 

Now those are the two main passages. Hosea is one book, but it does not deal directly with this issue. So there are no other areas in the Old Testament where we could find any other answers on God's attitude towards divorce. So let's go to the New Testament, shall we. I'm going to show you all the passages in the New Testament now that relate to the subject. There's no other area that we can go to. The first one is the passage that is our text, that's Matthew 5:31-32, and we've already read that. Okay? Now the second passage is Matthew 19:3-9. Matthew 19:3-9 and I'll read it. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" You see that's what they've been taught. You said, really? Jesus are these teachers really telling us the truth? What does He say? He says, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate (or divorce). It's the same word. 

They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts. He is saying because of sin. There's a stubbornness that makes up our disposition and it's in that stubbornness that always, that often becomes the reason for the breakup. And He says because of the stubbornness of your hearts he permitted you to divorce your wives, but it wasn't God's plan from the very beginning. But from the beginning it was not so. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." There are two things. Divorce was only allowed in the case of adultery, and secondly, divorce is one of the results of sin that has hardened the human heart. 

Let's go to the next passage. We're just going through the New Testament. Go with me to Mark 10:2-12. Let me read it for you. Now we're reading all the verses. Now you'll notice that they're in harmony. They almost say the same thing. The Pharisees came and asked Him. "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" testing Him. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her." And Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 'and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Almost the same words, isn't it? In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." What Jesus is simply saying is if there is a non-biblical reason for divorce, there's a non-biblical reason for marriage. It's that clear. 

Well, there are two verses in Luke and they reference the same passage that we read, so let's go to the next one. Romans 7:1-3. Now let's see what Paul has to say. Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. He simply says, death dissolves the marriage. It dissolves the union. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. So what He is just simply saying, God has always intended that marriage last until death. 

Now let's go to the next one. Here we come to 1 Corinthians 7. 1 Corinthians 7:10-15. You'll notice I've used Scripture almost throughout our entire message today. Because I want your decision. I want your knowledge of this subject to be based strictly on the Scriptures. Here's what he says. Paul says, Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord; In other words, I'm going to remind you what Jesus has already said. A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say; In other words, Now I'm going to cover material that Jesus didn't talk about. Here's what he says, If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 

What is he talking about? In Corinth, in that ancient pagan town, people were becoming Christians. Sometimes it was the wife. Sometimes it was the husband. So when they came to church they would ask, now that I'm a Christian should I live with this unbeliever? And Paul said, now just a minute. Even though you are a Christian, if the unbeliever chooses to carry on with the marriage, then you carry on with the marriage. You have no right to divorce. And that's true if the wife becomes a Christian or the husband. Whatever it is. The point is this, just because your mate is an unbeliever is no justifiable reason for divorce if they choose to keep the marriage intact. 

Verse 14 says, the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. What he is simply saying is a Christian mate, the influence that they'll have on that family could eventually bring that person to Christ. And at least the children will have the opportunity to be raised with one parent knowing Christ. So don't dissolve the marriage just because there's one unbeliever in the marriage. 

Now I put that to test some years ago. I had a lady come to me and say, Pastor, my husband is an adulterer and he's violated our marriage so many times I want to end this thing. She said I want you to come to the house because I want to announce to him he's getting a divorce. I said okay. So I came and the man is a doctor. He greets me and I greet him, and he's terribly afraid. Here's this preacher. This preacher's going to come and break up his marriage because he's a bad man. And she's ready. She's sitting over here, and he's here. I'm over here. She said now Pastor I want you to be the witness I'm telling my husband we're getting a divorce. And the reason I'm getting a divorce is because he's committed adultery. Is that true sir? Yes it is. And I said, sir, what's your opinion about this marriage. Oh, he said I want to keep going. He said I've got two lovely kids. I don't want to give them up. So you really want the marriage to keep going? Yes I do. You're sure of that? Okay. 

So I said to the lady who is the Christian, I said would you get your Bible. She got out her Bible. I said now you really love Christ? Yes I do. And you really want to follow everything the book says? Yes I do. Are you sure of that, you wouldn't want in any way to disobey it would you? No I wouldn't. I'm really building a scaffold. You really love Christ? Yes I do. I said okay, a woman who has a husband who does not believe. You don't believe do you? He said no I don't believe. Then you qualify. And he is willing to live with her. Do you want this marriage? Yes I do, I want it to continue. Let her not divorce him. I closed the Bible stood up and said case closed. She's angry because she thought I'd side with her, and his tongue is hanging out of his mouth a mile long because he thought I was going to ruin the family. All I was doing was following the book. I said good day and I walked out. 

Sunday morning I was flabbergasted! The wife came and the doctor and they sat right on this seat, right over here. Twenty-three years ago. And I preached my heart out and at the end I made an invitation for people to accept Christ, and he just raises his hand. And he comes up, we pray, and he gives his life to Christ. He was dramatically changed that day. Twenty-two years later his lovely children grew up in a wonderful home. I think both of them are married to preachers. He has a marvelous business up on the coastline. You walk into his office today and it's filled with Scripture verses, and he loves Christ. He's a godly, gentle, gracious. And every time I see them I remember their case, and say God, Your word has to be true. And I really put it to a test, and here's the point Paul is saying, just because the mate may be an unbeliever you live your Christianity to the full. And it just could be they'll become Christians too.

But now I left out that last verse. Do you notice verse 15 of 1 Corinthians. And here is a very important verse. It says, But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. Now most leading Bible scholars believe that Paul adds one more valid reason for divorce and possible remarriage, and that's desertion. When one party walks out, leaves the home, deserts the responsibilities of the marriage vow, the covenant marriage is broken and no longer does the bond of marriage exist. Now that's the interpretation of most scholars. So the marriage is deserted. The bond is broken. 

So now let me draw a conclusion. First, God never intended the sacred bond of marriage to be broken by divorce. Secondly, sin has caused the hardness of heart and that brings about the problems in divorce. Thirdly, Satan has always had the home under attack from the very first family. Adam and Eve's home was filled with tears and pain because one boy murdered the other boy. Satan has always had the home under attack, and he'll attack your home if you let him, and he'll destroy it if you give him an opportunity. Fourthly, God permitted divorce rather than death as an expression of His mercy and grace. It was a concession of God's mercy that allowed it. So therefore, a conclusion. Listen quietly. There are only two reasons for a biblical divorce, adultery or sexual immorality and desertion, abandoning the marriage covenant and marital responsibilities. There are no other biblical reasons, and I don't care if you have a stack of divorce certificates a mile high from every court in the world. There's no court in the world that dissolves a marriage that doesn't have a biblical reason for separation. None! Hard questions. 

Pastor, what about abuse and incest? To my knowledge there is no place in the Bible where this subject is addressed that I'm aware of. But common sense would dictate that one should remove themselves from threatening situations where life or health is at stake. If somebody came in and says Pastor, he's beating me up three times a day. I'd say let's find a new address immediately for you. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Secondly, what about marriages and divorces before I came to Christ? If someone came to me and said Pastor, I've was married 22 times and divorced 22 times before I became a Christian. Do you know what I'd say? When you came to the cross everything before that was forgotten by God and it's all forgiven. And that thrills me to know that all of my sins are past. They're taken from me as far as the east is from the west never to be remembered against me anymore. No matter how high they were stacked. 

Thirdly, what about forgiving my mate who has committed adultery? And now I'm at the heart of Christian living. The Bible says you may have a reason for divorce if there's adultery, but I say as a Christian here comes the golden opportunity to exercise forgiveness. And I'll tell you, it is the highest calling of forgiveness. I have families who sit here who have gone through the pain of one mate knowing the other has committed adultery and yet God has graciously given that innocent mate the ability just to reach out and love and forgive. And I have to tell you I have the highest admiration for one who goes to that majestic dimension of forgiveness and forgives one who has violated their marriage. But I've watched that across our congregation over the years. God beautifully has healed it. Their homes are happy. It's forgiven. It's forgotten. It's behind them. And the ultimate answer is not divorce in that case. The ultimate Christian expression is forgiveness.

Let's pray. Lord Jesus, thank you that Your word is so clear none of us have to wonder. We understand what You said. Thank you very much dear Jesus. Amen. God bless you.